Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
