We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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