are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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