my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
