My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
