I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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