we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
