I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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