I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize