A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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