would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
