I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
