Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
