doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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