i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
