the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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