Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
