dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Randomize
