Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
