I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
