Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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