you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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