i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This baby is an asshole
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
