Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
