And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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