Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
