Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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