Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
