Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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