He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
