No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
