after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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