morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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