I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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