entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Found the puke drawer
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
