How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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