i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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