He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize