I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
