i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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