mondays should just be called national damage control day
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
