she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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