seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
