I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
