i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize