I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
