So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
