im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
