she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
