By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
