I faked an abortion last night.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
