Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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