I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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