You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
