I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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