We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
