and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
