I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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