as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
