she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
