Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
