okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
