New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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