Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she told me i tasted like america
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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