just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
