On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Acid is not a monday night drug
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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