your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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