im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
