YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
