barbara walters just said penis...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
