I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
