the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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