Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
