I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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