i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
